7 Things I Learned as a First Time Mom
Becoming a parent was the biggest transformation I've ever experienced.
And there were quite a few things that I was nervous about or completely unprepared for.
So as a first-time mom of a one-year-old, I wanted to take a minute and share seven lessons that I have learned from being a first-time mom for a full year now.
7 Lessons Learned in the First Year of Motherhood:
If we haven't met yet, I'm Megan. I have a one-year-old daughter named Kelly and I've been a content creator and business owner since 2014.
Before we get started. I want to clarify this video is not about the lessons learned in raising a human. So we're not going to be going into details about Kelly's first year or how we, went through those different milestones from introducing food to transitioning off of the bottle, to her milestones, where we buy her clothes, her favorite toys, things like that. We're really going to be focusing on my journey and lessons learned as a first time parent and mom. So it's all through that lens.
If you are interested in things like birth story, favorite products, or how we've accomplished and gone through certain milestones, I would love to create more content about that. So feel free to leave a comment below with any requests or ideas or questions you have. And I will make new videos about those in the coming weeks. So let me know in the comments.
Lesson 1. It gets better
Okay. Now let's go ahead and jump in to lesson one, which is it gets better.
Everyone's journey is different, but for me, the first three to four months were particularly challenging. And when I look back at the past year, they were the most challenging phase for sure.
Between the physical recovery from delivering and having a child. To learning how to feed or diaper or clean or have your baby sleep. There were so many things to learn and first-time experiences not to mention a lack of sleep. Your whole sleep schedule gets out of whack. As we all know.
And I had a lot of new heightened emotions. I had a lot of anxiety and guilt and protectiveness and even jealousy to the point where I would want help. And I would want someone to hold Kelly, but I would have a c razy amount of like jealousy when someone else was holding her. So there's a lot of emotions that are happening at this new level that I had never had to deal with before.
And it was a really tough couple of months.
Now, of course not everyone's experience is the same, but like I said, that was my experience for the first three months, for sure. And it did get better over time and it got better pretty quickly. As soon as she started sleeping more throughout the night, as soon as she was in her own room. Once we were at that three to four month, mark for me is where things really started to get dramatically better.
I'm sure some of it was just, I had adjusted Kelly was getting older, but I want you to know wherever you're at in your journey and being a parent, whether you're watching this and you're expecting, and you want to know what to expect the first year, or maybe you're in the weeds of the first year.
Please know it does get better. So even if those first couple of months are intense for you or overwhelming, like they were for me it's a temporary phase. It's a short part of the journey. And now, Kelly's a year old and I look back and the majority of the first year was so fun and incredible. We just had to get through a couple of hard months at the very beginning. So it does get better.
Lesson 2. The loss of independence can be jarring at first
Lesson number two is that the loss of independence can be really jarring at first.
As a first time parent, this was the first time my life truly revolved around someone else. And I don't just even mean that from a mental or emotional standpoint, but tactical physical every minute, every moment was revolving around Kelly and not me.
Obviously, I knew a baby would be dependent upon their parents, but it was to a new level I hadn't really been prepared for. Because I am the type of person who really needs alone time. I recharge in solitude from laying down from decompressing, from reading or watching a movie.
So naturally it was a little shocking when I couldn't even go to the bathroom without asking for someone else to watch Kelly or feeling like guilty for wanting to go take a nap when she's awake and finding that I really had to depend on others in order to create moments of independence and freedom for myself.
Of course, this is also happening with those heightened emotions we talked about previously. So it was a really difficult adjustment for me.
What I learned is that you have to communicate what you need with your support system. So in order for me to start having those moments, I had to get really good at identifying when I needed it, how I needed it and calling in help for those moments to exist.
So it was absolutely something that was not going to happen to me. I had to create it for myself.
So it became really clear really quickly, that me time was important and it could look different depending on the day, but that I needed to prioritize creating me time. I had to learn to be guilt free during the me time. And I had to learn to, create that pretty regularly.
And this really leads into the next lesson.
Lesson 3. Your support system is key
Which is lesson number three, your support system is key.
I am so fortunate to have had a really strong support system throughout the first year between friends and family, a supportive partner, as well as hiring a nanny, which we did when Kelly was eight weeks old or so, so I absolutely have been very fortunate to have a lot of options for a support system.
But what I also learned is just having that support system is very different than actually feeling supported by that support system, because people don't know how to help you. People don't know what kind of support you need because everyone's experience and desires are so different. So you really have to learn to take advantage of the support system you have, but also in a way that feels supportive.
So people just coming over to cuddle your baby may not be supportive because you are then put in the role of hostess, which was something I really struggled to navigate the first couple of weeks of Kelly's life. I innately felt this pressure to be a hostess, to host people when they came over.
When in reality, what I needed was not necessarily someone to hold Kelly, but was for someone to do the dishes or wash the bottles or do some laundry or tidy up or get food. There were definitely times where I did want someone to hold Kelly, but I would feel pressured to sit there and talk with them.
When in reality, I needed to go take a shower or go take a nap. As Kelly has gotten older, I've become a little bit more confident in communicating what type of support I need, but absolutely with any future children, I will be much clearer about the type of support that is beneficial for me and not feeling like I'm having to people please.
But beyond just having the support system, it really is learning how to communicate the type of support you need.
Lesson 4. Routines can give you freedom
Lesson number four is that routines can give both you and your baby freedom.
Now everyone feels a little differently about routines and schedules. And so absolutely interpret this in a way that benefits you and your family. We chose to have a routine or a schedule printed out on our fridge once Kelly was a couple of weeks old and this did benefit her. Kelly as a baby and as a human has really benefited from knowing what to expect next.
So she didn't have to worry about when she was going to get fed next, or if she was going to get fed. Once we implemented a cadence to her day, I absolutely noticed that things started to settle down and everything started to flow a little bit better for us, and she seemed very happy and content to follow this rhythm or routine as well.
But again, this is about the experience as a parent. And so besides just Kelly benefiting from a routine or a schedule, I feel that I personally benefited from this because it allowed other people to care for Kelly in a way that wasn't disruptive to her day-to-day life and allowed me to have less anxiety when I was leaving and leaving her in the care of a babysitter or a nanny or a family member .
I've also found that by having this routine or schedule it minimizes the day-to-day decision-making that already happens as a parent. You're always deciding, to do this or that. And do they need to go to bed earlier or later? Do they want to eat this or that? There's so many decisions that happen when you're raising a baby that you can easily get decision fatigue.
And so by us having this routine or schedule, we were able to minimize some of that because we weren't always designing the day from scratch. We knew what to expect from the day we could plan outings or activities accordingly. And it just reduced the mental load of becoming a parent for the first time.
So I'm not sitting here saying you have to have a strict schedule. We absolutely adjusted ours as needed, but I will say it didn't only just benefit Kelly. It absolutely has benefited our family and has worked very well for us.
Okay. Had to relocate because my dogs would not stop barking, but hopefully this is okay.
Lesson 5. Trust your intuition
Lesson number five is to trust your intuition.
Now, when you become a parent and even when you're pregnant and preparing to have a child, there are so many inputs coming at you between books and courses and your friends, your family. Strangers on the internet. There's a lot of competing advice. There's a lot of different advice and it can really be overwhelming.
Because ultimately you start to feel like there's a right and a wrong way to do a lot of this. And the truth is there really isn't.
The best thing you can do for you and your child is start to learn to trust your own self and trust your intuition. Now it may not be something that just clicks for you right away. It did not, for me. I was intimidated about the idea of a mother's intuition when I was pregnant. And when I first had Kelly, it's not like I magically had all of this knowledge, but over the past year, as I began to know Kelly better get to know her as a person and her needs and who she is and how she is. It was easier for me over time to learn to just intuitively know what was right for her, what she needed, even if she wasn't giving cues to tell you.
So please know that you will develop this intuition, but I think the key is to start to take action on it so that you can become more and more confident in your abilities to intuitively know what your child needs.
So really just want to encourage you, even if you don't feel like you have this intuitive knowing yet, know that it can and will develop over time.
And you just need to listen to it and take action on it in order for it to really develop and strengthen and for you to feel confident in your intuition.
Lesson 6. Treasure each moment - and take a lot of photos and videos!
Lesson number six is to treasure each moment and take lots and lots of pictures.
It's cliche, but it's definitely true that the days are slow, but the years are short. And now that Kelly's over a year old, I look back at the last year and simultaneously feel like it really was the longest year of my entire life.
And also, I can't believe that it's over and how much happens. The amount of change that happens in a year is mindblowing. Your baby goes from brand new infant, newborn, tiny little thing to a child eating real food with opinions and a personality, and they're moving and it's just crazy how much happens.
And it goes by slowly and yet also incredibly quickly.
And as I've mentioned, I had a really hard first couple of months with Kelly, I would say the first three to four months, she was not a hard baby. I just had a lot of adjustments that I was going through and navigating. And so I feel like when I look back at those first couple of months that I really wasn't treasuring it.
And even when I looked back at the whole year, it felt a lot, like I was just in survival mode trying to get to the next milestone. And while that's probably always how it is. I really wish I had been able to treasure the little moments because I don't think I really realized how fast they would go by.
For example, Kelly no longer drinks milk from a bottle. And so we don't have that bonding time where I'm feeding her a bottle and we're sitting and we're cuddling. We don't have that moment anymore. And I miss it and I look back at photos and videos I took from even just selfies on my phone. And I'm so glad I took those videos and those selfies, because I get to relive and treasure the experience again, even though I won't actually be feeding Kelly a bottle ever again for her whole life, which is just crazy.
I would encourage you to try to be as present and mindful and just in the moment with those special little things that only you get with a newborn and to also take the videos, take selfies, ask people to take photos of you. I know I never felt like I wanted to be in a photo. I was not happy with how I looked, but I'm so glad that photos were taken anyways, because when I go back and look at those photos, I'm not even looking at me. I'm looking at me and Kelly, I'm looking at Kelly and our dynamic and how little she was.
And even the photos that in the moment I hated of myself, I look back now and I think they are some of my favorite photos. So even if you're not used to asking people to take photos or videos of you, this is a great time to practice that and to ask people, to take photos and videos, and to also take those videos yourself, I'll have some really sweet videos that are just selfies of when I'm cuddling with Kelly or playing with her. And it, honestly, I go back and watch them all the time.
Lesson 7. It will feel natural
And lesson number seven is that you will grow into motherhood and it will feel natural.
Before having Kelly, I did not have a lot of confidence or comfort in my interactions with kids, if I'm being honest. And never felt like I was able to just be totally normal and natural and comfortable.
And while I always knew I wanted to have a family of my own, I'd be lying if I said there wasn't a part of me that was worried that maybe I just wasn't good with kids. I hoped that would not be the case with my own kid, but there was some, like secret anxiety around that. And I'm so happy to share with you that even if you feel the same way with kids as I did, when it is your own child, that feeling is totally different.
Over the past year, I have absolutely grown into being a parent and a mom, and I love it. It just feels so natural and second nature to me now, I can't imagine not being a mom.
And I started out as a mom who was overwhelmed and had no idea what she's doing. And a year later I feel so confident in my parenting skills. By no means am I perfect, I have a lot to learn and we're only a year into this. So I know with each new year, there's going to be new challenges to overcome and experience as a parent, but I feel totally different as a mom now than I did when Kelly was born.
I didn't have that instant. I'm a great mom. I know exactly what to do. I have this insta love. Like it was definitely a journey for me to get to know Kelly and who she was as a person and who I am.
Because the identity crisis that happened for me was pretty significant. And so even if you have a similar experience where you suddenly don't know who you are anymore, or who you are as a parent, please know you will, and it will come together and you will just do your best for a while.
And it will start to come together where you will feel like a parent and it will feel natural to you. And it won't feel like something that's so new and foreign anymore. It'll just feel like your life and it'll just feel normal.
And I went from being a person who was chasing after an ambitious ego-driven goal as fast as possible to being a person who just wants to be in the moment.
I want life to slow down. I want to be mindful. I want to be present in everything I'm doing. I want to be as engaged as possible in my moments with Kelly. I just want to make it all special. I want to make her life as special as I can, and I didn't feel that way right at first.
I loved her, but my love for her has grown exponentially over the past year. And as, as of now, I'm probably like the most obsessed with Kelly that I've ever been. I really would do anything for her and love her more than I knew I could love someone.
And I know that sounds cliche, and I know that you may not feel that way right now, wherever you are, but please know you will get there. It will be okay. All of this is a gradual journey and a gradual adjustment, and it's just normal.
So you will feel like parenting and motherhood is natural and part of you and you will get there!
